Crossroads. My entire life I have never had a difficult time making a decision. I was never really afraid of making the wrong decision, realizing I could always adjust direction mid-stream. But here I sit… having hit a major crossroad in my life and not being able to make a decision (yet). As I ponder why this crossroad is so different than the rest I realize there are many variables making THIS one different, but one primary difference.
God. First and foremost is God.
He has transformed me, my goals, my desires, my wants, my focus, my everything! And this is the first big crossroad I’ve hit since I’m living my life for Him! I can confidently state that THIS crossroad is one God has brought me to. I am being pruned, things in my life culled, old habits swept away that are keeping me from Him. This transformation is why all the other variables have become so important. Without this transformation, I would be completely focused on me. What works best for MY goals, MY career, MY life, MY desires. But, it’s not about me… at least, not anymore! And thus making a decision without “me” being the center of the equation is completely unfamiliar territory.
Second, I have three boys that trust me and hubby to make smart decisions for them, for their lives, for their future, for their well-being. I have always relied on myself, to be able to research out a decision and to weigh the pros and cons and make an informed decision and move forward not looking back. I am pretty shocked at how completely unprepared and entirely inadequate I feel to make this big decision for our children, to take the risk when it will directly impact them. I was so very comfortable taking risks when it was just me and hubby. Completely and utterly comfortable. But God calls us to walk in faith and trust Him. See, another area He is really working on!
Third, since my life has been transformed, I now want to be a wife. Homeschool Mom. Family CEO. Gardener. Nurse. Cook. Chauffeur. Tour Guide. Party Planner. Hostess with the Mostest. I want to mentor and guide my children in becoming well-rounded human beings reliant on our Creator. I want to introduce them to the world He made and be there to enjoy it with them; to inspire them to learn for the sake of learning and to experience those things that might shape their future. To be a lighthouse… as God has called us to be! To be a guide and to encourage them in life’s storms, especially now that they are all entering puberty, one by one. I don’t want to hire somebody to do that for me. How many moms do we know that are chasing the corporate dream and are being robbed of these beautiful, precious moments (and they don’t even know it). I was one of them, I know oh too well! Abba is taking me down a very different path than I was on!
We are a Messianic family so we keep the Biblical feasts. Every feast has a profound impact on me, every single one, including the weekly feast of the Sabbath. But one that has me in awe of our amazing Father and the provision He provided for the Israelites, is Sukkot, often known in the Christian church as Booths. We call it the “camping feast” at our home because it is when we retell the story of the Exodus and camp out and live like the Israelites did in a Succah (a booth). One of the things we discuss with the boys over those campfire meals is what if we were called out in an Exodus the way the Israelites were? Would we be able to carry our cherished items on our backs? How about a wagon, could we pull them in a wagon? How about an SUV, could we fit them all in our SUV? How about a cattle trailer, would they fit in it? How about an 18 wheeler, would that be sufficient? We quickly realize we have a love affair with our material possessions and we have way too much stuff! We are apparently having trouble prioritizing what is important and what isn’t. This exercise on Sukkot reminds us we have to prioritize and decide what is important.
THAT is where we are now. We are still working through making this decision as a family. But I know, if we keep God as our personal Guidance System, our GPS if you will, we WILL make the right decision. He doesn’t change and will finish what He started in us. We know He will put us where He wants us to serve His purpose!
Until next time…
This week we are connecting with Thriving Thursday Link Up Party. Please be sure to visit the host and the other bloggers… there are some great posts! Be sure to check out A Lamp Full: Service, I especially loved that one!
Trish Corlew
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Dear Trish I feel so close to you when you write this. We are from different ages but I’m also on the crosspoint to go in a new direction. I have from 12th of may 4 weeks off from work and except enjoying just doing things which are different than normal I need time to be with Abba and learn and see what He wants for me. I’ve lost one of my two radio programs and that is difficult on one hand because it was given to me just 1 month before my husband died. And it feels like mourning al over again. But I know also that this is for a reason and Abba knows what and how I’ll have to go He is as you describe it my GPS. And I miss Jim very much I could always ask him my questions but maybe that is also part of the plan just to rely only on Him. I think you are an amazing mom and I wish I would have known what I know now in the time my kids where young. I know God will lead your way He loves you. Thank you for sharing Trish, love you too.
Oh Simone, I know you are going through so much right now! I am so sorry about the program and especially now that I realize you are re-mourning your husband because of this. I wish I could be there to just give you a big hug and cry with you! I know it’s hard! We must Faith that Abba has something better for us. I actually feel so much better since writing this article (and posting it)… It’s one thing to feel this way, it’s completely different to tell the world 🙂 Anyway, I am feeling a bit excited, almost enthusiastic, to see what God has in store for us. I know we will get through it. It’s just a matter of how gracefully we can dance through it! I’m focusing on the beat (His word and His will) and dancing to it!
Trish, I pray.. I sit and I pray. I’m a ‘prepper”, I’m of the ilk that God gives us things to use and reuse and reinvent. I drive my poor Beloved nuts and I’m so incredibly thankful that he loves me dearly! I stash stuff here and there and forget where I put it (the joys of living with MS.) But sometimes I go into my ‘stuff’ and I pray. ‘Do I really need this Father? Does someone else? Do you really want me to let it go? Things pop into my life that seem like ‘fate’. I don’t believe in ‘fate’ or ‘luck’. I believe in the Most High and His Mighty Power in my measly life 🙂 So I tend to take notice and listen if I can get my head out of my own problems. A ‘for instance’ our homeschool group is having a curriculum sale in May. *ME* *SELL* curriculum?!?!?!?!?! no, that doesn’t happen.. I am the queen of curriculum hoarding. One must have all of the possible curriculum for every possible grade and for every possible learning style. Hello, Katharine Ann… You have ONE child in homeschool now.. O.N.E. no more behind him. Even if you homeschool a grandchild later on, it will be far later on. Stuff will change.
So, when Treva sent out the email saying tables will be available for 1 or 2 dollars, I sent her back a short quick email saying “I’ll take a 1 dollar small table” and then text messaged Ginger at college and said on the 30th we will sell some of the curriculum in the closet (mind you it’s a walk in closet in the back room that the hubster wants for canned stuff and he’s probably right) Ginger texted back from class.. WHAT?!?!?!??! I think she may have fallen off her chair… anyhow, she came home Friday night, after her choral concert, even though she had asked to stay in town to go out on a date with her boyfriend, she skipped a date….. (he was studying for a final anyhow.. but so be).. she came HOME.. and at 10 pm wanted to start pulling stuff out to get ready. I had to make her stop. Elijah’s birthday is today.. and we were partying this weekend.. but anyhow…. God does AMAZING things when you pray.. just pray.
So, my long-winded reply is to PRAY. Sit down amongst your stuff and pray. Say. Father. what’s up.. You’ve put this on my heart for a reason.. what’s up. Let me know and I’ll follow.. where You lead I go. It’s Your call.
My prayers join you… and please, please, please pray for me when finals are over and the kid is back home and she really invades the sanctity of the “homeschool closet” I almost feel like music should play when I type that LOL to pack up my stuff to sell. My oh my .. she’s a ball of energy too.. she’ll go through like a sonic ball.. kaaaaaa zingy! y’all have a blessed day!!
Boy Katherine, between you and I, we might be able to homeschool a town! I also am a homeschool curriculum lover 🙂 I am starting to clear things out there that are things I NEVER thought I would part with… our Montessori works. But most of those are gone now. I still have a few that I need to clear out. Good luck with that … I am really coming to grips with it myself. So DON’T tell me what you have for sale (unless it is something FABULOUS that I can’t live without 🙂 LOL! But seriously, I understand, I will be praying for you and the curriculum downsizing project!
Yeah, That is my prayer! Tell me, show me, guide me! We will follow! Praying hard on this! I would appreciate the prayers too! For His guidance to be felt and wisdom in how to carry it out! Blessings!!
Haha…I’m the opposite. Sometimes it seems like every decision I make is excruciatingly difficult. I completely agree though, that we have to let God direct our steps and decisions.
Thanks so much for linking up at Thriving Thursday 🙂
I really enjoyed your post! You know, one thing I’ve really come to find along this journey Home is that, as you know, God is always with us and never EVER leaves us..even when we might not feel Him there. Another thing I’ve come to know (and enjoy) is that even when things seem like they are so uncertain and shaky and treacherously scary, they aren’t at all to God, and that’s what matters most! Following Him is the least risky thing we could ever do…it’s when we take a different path, not trusting Him, that we are taking the riskiest decision of all.