My Messy Unpredictable Life

So, as I sit here on this crisp morning in early October writing this article, I reflect on where we are. Where I am. My Messy Unpredictable Life.

We’ve all heard how messy and unpredictable life can be.

But not mine.  That has never really described my adult life. My Life was together. Organized. Well executed. Everything worked and worked well. I seemed to almost have the “Midas Touch.” Everything I got involved in flourished. Until….

Until what?

Until I gave my life to Yeshua (Hebrew name for Jesus). I know that is not what you are taught.

Too blessed to be stressed… right? WRONG!

That is not real life and that is not scriptural. Don’t believe me? Read about Job or the apostles’ lives. How about Stephen? My point is life is not always hunky-dory and this whole notion that life will be perfect when you give your life to the Lord is just bunk.

Honestly, In my opinion after watching lots of fellow believers give their lives to the Lord… from what I see, it gets harder once we put our faith in Yeshua and our heart is pure in the desire to follow His ways.

Because God is cleaning us up.  Burning that flesh off. Tossing stuff out of our lives that is distracting us from our walk with Him.

Helping us get our priorities straight.

Which is where we are now. Working through one of the hardest phases of my life. And most definitely the hardest phase my children have ever experienced.

And Stress is NOT Pretty.

What it looks like on me…

An 25+ extra pounds

A shorter fuse than normal.

Less confidence.

Less willpower.

Less focus.

Add in a few panic attacks, more grumpiness, exhaustion and stir it all up.

The resulting mess is where you will find me.

What got us here, you may be asking…

REALLY. BAD. TIMING.

In 2011, the very day I arrived home from spending six weeks in North Carolina with my dying dad…

Burying my father…

Packing up his house and distributing his belongings…

Yes, the very day I arrive home from my 1000 mile drive, I learn the business loan had been called.

A huge loan that we used to fund payroll because we paid our contractors long before the client companies paid us (months sometimes). Where do you get $100s of thousands of dollars all at one time? If I had that kind of money sitting around, I wouldn’t have needed the loan!

Do you file bankruptcy? Or do what you believe is the right thing and pay off as much of the debt as you can now? Pulling every dime out of retirement. Savings. Whole life insurance polices. Checking.

Selling everything you can .

Refinancing the house and creating payment plans for the rest of the debt.

Were we avoiding bankruptcy? Or just putting off the inevitable?

 

 

We are living outside of our means, financially.

We didn’t start there.

We were making way more than enough to cover our expenses and put back for college, vacations, retirement and new vehicles.

And then the economy shifted in 2007/2008.

And I found Yeshua.

And my priorities started changing.

I wanted to study God’s Word and learn how to be a faithful child of God. And a great wife. And an amazing mom.

But how?

I am caught in the American Dream debt trap!

Yet, ever since God has been clearing stuff out of the way.

And guess what, apparently money was one of those things.

I was never really all into money anyway. I thought.

I saw money as a tool (still do).

But it was my measuring stick. It measured my success (and yours).

So, as the economy disintegrated, and my financial security evaporated, my faith blossomed!

 

Out of Money. Out of Options. 

 

 

We chose to not file bankruptcy and go even further in debt to pay off what we could.

Four years later, we are still paying off the debt, but without the income level we had.

And now, ironically, we learn we make too much money to file bankruptcy.

Really? A family struggling to pay the mortgage and the utility bill and eat.

Driving vehicles that are over a decade old.

Not eating out.

Not going out.

No cable.

No luxuries.

Out of Money.

Out of Options.

But not out of faith.